It’s been over a year and it’s time to “talk about it”. I am only sharing my journey for two reasons. #1 I hope people will stop bothering me about “when i’m going to have a baby” and #2 I have found comfort in reading other women’s blogs and realizing i’m not alone. So many women are afraid to talk about their infertility issues but the truth is if you keep it inside it will eat you alive and that is what i’m trying to prevent.
Let me start off by saying infertility is a very dark and lonely thing. Every where you turn people are getting pregnant and all you can think is “What is wrong with me?”.
In June 2012 we deiced to start our family. I had never heard of infertility and like a naive newlywed I felt “sorry” for people that couldn’t get pregnant but thought “that wont be me”. BOY was I wrong. I noticed very quickly that there was something wrong. I had irregular cycles after months of being off the pill and several off the wall issues like: greasy hair, sudden weight gain and acne. Most doctors will tell you that a healthy couple can take up to a year to get pregnant so do not worry. Well to me if I wasn’t regular there was NO WAY I was waiting an entire year to get to the bottom of things. I began seeking professional help in September 2011. During the process I switched doctors due to the dissatisfaction I had with my original doctor. I have been poked… prodded in very “private places”… had painful “procedures” done all to find out that I have PCOS. What is PCOS? Here is a brief description from wikipedia:
Polycystic ovary syndrome is a condition in which a woman has an imbalance of a female sex hormones. This may lead to menstrual cycle changes, cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other health changes.
I do not have cysts thankfully AND I ovulate on my own. This poses so many questions in my head because we don’t know why we are failing. We will be doing a semen analysis in the next week or so to figure out if we need to worry about male factor issues as well. Praying it’s only me.
Many women with PCOS struggle for YEARS to try and get pregnant. I am only a year into my journey but I am determined to seek every option possible before I give up hope.
On July 3rd I had a follow up with my Doctor after being on a medication called “Metformin” since March and the Dr determined that we need to get a semen analysis and then keep trying for another 6 months before we seek true fertility treatments. I am 100% ok with that. I am not a fan of medication as it is and I really want god to do his work. I think I have decided that at the end of those 6 months I will most likely refer myself to a fertility specialist.
This is by far the hardest thing I have had to go through. I do not wish this on my worst enemy. I want to have a child so bad and now every day I have to worry about if it’s even a possibility.
Everyone knows that a fireman can eat. They like a good home cooked meal and occasionally a nice dessert baked by their fabulous wife. It’s hard when you’re dieting to make something that your husband wont turn his nose up at. Luckily for me my husband is very healthy and fit and appreciates a low fat meal.
I have made and eaten my fair share of sub par “diet friendly” desserts and I always find myself saying “It’s just not the same”. Well today that changes because I have found a guilt free dessert that DOES taste the same as the fattening yummies we all love. Let me introduce you to: SKINNY GIRL FUNFETTI CUPCAKES!
First let’s talk nutrition. Each frosted cupcake has approximately 110 calories. If you are trying to eat clean or gluten free these are not for you. These are for the average dieter that just needs to satisfy that sweet tooth and not feel guilty.
You won’t believe the ingredients. All you need is:
- 1 box of Pillsbury Funfetti Cake Mix
- 12 oz or a cup and a half of Sprite Zero
- 1 8oz container of fat free cool whip
- 1 1.5 ounce packet of fat free vanilla instant Jello pudding
Time to make your batter. I used my Kitchen-Aid mixer but you can use a hand mixer or just a wisk. I would personally recommend something electric because it is hard to mix as it thickens. Empty all of the contents of the Funfetti cake mix and your Sprite Zero and begin to mix. Mix until there are no visible lumps in the batter. If you are using an electric mixer keep it on medium speed. Go ahead and line your muffin/cupcake tin with paper or aluminum foil liners. My batch made 20 cupcakes.
After your batter is ready to go take a 1/4 cup measuring cup and use that to portion out the batter. Like I said above my batch made 20. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. After your oven is preheated put your cupcakes in for 20 minutes. Mine personally took around 35 so you will need to check them with a toothpick frequently. *Please note: they will not brown like a typical cupcake* Use the toothpick as your best judgement.
After your cupcakes appear to be done carefully take out each cupcake and place them on cooling rack for 15-20 minutes. They must cool down completely prior to frosting.
Now let’s make our frosting. Make sure your cool whip is completely thawed. Combine the entire container of cool whip and the instant pudding mix into a bowl. I would personally use a hand mixer or kitchen aid because the instant pudding is hard to blend in. You can add a few drops of food coloring to make colorful icing if you wish. Unfortunately I didn’t have a piping bag and my icing was too thick to make it look pretty so be creative if you wish! Enjoy
Using diet soda is a dieters best kept secret. You can do chocolate cupcakes as well. If you do a darker flavor use a darker soda like diet coke. This is your time to get creative!! These are so yummy and 100% GUILT FREE.
A good friend on facebook reminded me about my blog today. It wasn’t that I forgot but I avoided coming here because I have no good news to share. Only sad stuff, well sad to me.
Let’s just say my body is out of whack. I spent 10 years on birth control and I stopped taking them to get my body regulated for when we decided to try for a baby in October. Well we decided to try sooner and started at the end of June. Everything was going great until my period did not show up. Should be exciting right? Well not exactly. I knew something wasn’t right because I had been tracking my cycles. After about 45 days of a no show I went to the Dr. She said it is very normal to have an absent cycle due to coming off birth control. This was very hard to understand because “everyone else” got pregnant right away. I left the Dr. that day feeling a little better because it is nice to hear someone say “it’s normal”. 5 days later my cycle returned. I was so excited you would of thought I had a positive pregnancy test! haha. I began to look at potential days that would be prime for baby making on a neat little app I have on my iphone. Well 3 weeks later I was STILL on my cycle. I called the Dr. yet again and heard the same answer “This is normal after coming off of birth control”. Well it doesn’t feel normal and after what is now day 26 of continuous worry and sadness i’m fed up. I think I have cried every day for the last week because my hormones are SO out of whack. I have very high hopes that this will end soon and my body will get back to normal. Until then, baby making has been postponed.
Now i’m going to turn this post into a positive. Yes, I want to be pregnant so bad I could scream but I have realized that in order to stay sane I need to get my mind off of what is going on with my crazy body. I am hoping someone else that is going through this will find these things helpful.
- Revisit something you have put off in the past, there is no better time than now to finish it or start it again. My example of this would be losing weight. Since i’m not pregnant yet I have time to get off some extra weight so when I AM pregnant I will feel healthy and comfortable in my skin. My favorite thing to do is swim. I usually swim freestyle laps for 20-30min a day (when it’s not a torrential downpour in “sunny” Florida). I have also teamed up with my mother in law and sister in law for motivation. We are using an app called “Lose it”. My favorite part about it is it gives you a realistic goal. It tells you the EXACT date you will reach your goal weight by losing a healthy 1-2 lbs per week. Here are a few screen shots of this app. PS- I lost 2.6 lbs since Monday!!
- Get your house ready for your baby. This is a big one. Many woman don’t have the time to prepare for this because a lot of times pregnancies are not planned. I would start by making a list. For instance my top priorities are:
- Clean and organize our garage
- Clean out all closets and get rid of old clothes and shoes
- Organize kitchen cupboards and pantry
Painting is a big one! I’m not sure the exact recommendation for painting when pregnant but I know I don’t want to do it. I want to have all the painting done (besides the nursery) that I want done BEFORE I get pregnant. Including painting furniture. I get a lot of my visions from Pinterest which brings me to my next suggestion to stay busy….
- PINTEREST PINTEREST PINTEREST!! Not only can you start to think of some cute ideas for your nursery or even maternity pictures but there is so much inspiration on the site. I really like DIY projects and I am always finding ideas and tutorials here. I promise you could spend hours on this website. Click on the photo below to follow me on Pinterest:
That is all for today. These are things that I do A LOT to stay busy. I hope someone can find these useful.
I have been feeling up and down lately about trying for our first. It’s so very exciting but there is always that thought in the back of my mind that is wondering “what if i’m one of THOSE women” one of THOSE women who isn’t fertile or “what if we are one of THOSE couples”. Granted we have only been trying for a month so I am not freaked out yet… give me 6 months and that will be a different story BUT with every glance on facebook there is a new update about someone being pregnant. It’s almost like it falls out of thin air for EVERYONE. Who knows, it could be like that for us too. I’m just so anxious to be pregnant and be a mom. I have 4 generations living and we are all 20 years apart. My family is young and I have broken the trend of being a “young mom”. I’m not complaining though, I am glad I finished school, started a career, got married and bought a house. I really do feel blessed.
I really do believe that god will throw little signs my way to show me that it is coming. Tonight for instance, I was eating dinner with my sister in law, mother in law and aunt in law. This woman with 3 kids under the age of 3 walked in. The kids were running around and just being curious about every little thing they saw. Well I look down and the littlest one is by my side and reaching for the table. She stretched her arms up to me and I picked her up. Her mom walked over and I commented on how sweet and adorable her little one was. I gently set her back down on the ground and her little brother out of no where came up to me and gave me a hug. It was the cutest thing and my first thought was “God what are you doing up there? Teasing me like that?? haha”. I don’t know but it kind of made me feel like it was his subtle way of telling me to be patient and that it’s coming.
I am learning more and more that patience truly is a virtue.
Sounds pretty easy right? NOT! Most firefighters work for 24 hours then they are off 48 hours. Doesn’t sound too bad? Well when you are trying to “time things” just right it can be a pain. You also have to consider that when he comes home he may not “be in the mood” which is to be expected if he ran calls all night and day. Let’s add paramedic school into the mix. Now hubby may not be home for TWO NIGHT sometimes up to FOUR NIGHTS in a row… then BAM your fertile window is gone. It can be stressful but luckily we haven’t been actively “trying” long. Sometimes the thought of his schedule getting in the way makes me nervous but i’m hopeful that soon there will be a bun in the oven.
Hello everyone. I have always toyed with the thought of starting my own blog. I would quickly get overwhelmed by the questions of “what would I say?” “how do I start it?” “will people even want to read this?”. I decided to dive in and JUST DO IT. With this blog I plan to give you a taste of an average day in the life of a fire wife. This will include nights without my husband due to his job and most importantly our exciting journey of trying to conceive our first child. I think sometimes a lot of people don’t realize how hard it is to be a fire wife. This is my open platform to bring you inside our crazy, sometimes chaotic and beautiful lives.